So many titles swirl through my head about what to call my ramblings about my diagnosis . . . "Well, This is Ironic", "HELLO - Cancer!", "Are You Telling Me I Have Cancer?", and my personal favorite from my middle son, "OK, What's a Breast?". Yes, searching my brain for the terminology he would understand, I had to confess that I had boob cancer. This, of course, made him giggle. I know, I said, can you believe I have BOOB CANCER?! Now we both exploded into giggles. I must be an 11-year-old boy at heart. (Burp and fart jokes tickle my funny-bone too on occasion.)
When I initially heard that I had some calcification in my breast, I asked, "What's that?" The technician explained to me that it was like a grain of sand. "Maybe I'm like and oyster," I said, "and I'm going to spit out a pearl." She didn't even crack a smile - she probably already knew what she was looking at and for whatever ridiculous legal reasons, couldn't say anything - and therefore found my flip remark, not funny at all. I, on the other hand, thought "Dang, tough crowd, I thought that was at least mildly amusing!" It was a full week later that I got to find out what wasn't so funny. It's a day that I won't soon forget. It was a week and a half before I was to compete in my first marathon. (Raising funds for cancer research - the irony is particularly thick here.) It was four days after my son's 11th birthday. It was two days after my 13-year-old son received a religious medal at the big cathedral downtown. It was the day after my 18th wedding anniversary. It was the same day my 5-year-old daughter had her first ballet recital. I glued a smile on for all the pictures, and she was truly beautiful, but it was not a good day.
It was a moment out of a bad TV movie, and I was the schmaltzy "B" list actress uttering the stunned words - "Are you telling me I have cancer?" The general surgeon I was sent to that day, ostensibly for a routine needle biopsy to check out my calcifications, started talking to me about my "options". There were two. We could just schedule a biopsy, or the better option in his mind, was to do the biopsy and remove the tumors all at the same time, thereby killing two birds with one stone, so to speak, and avoiding a second surgery since he was 97% certain that it was cancer. The drawback, of course, is that you won't know when we put you to sleep whether you will wake up with a breast or not. All of this verbiage is flying out of his mouth and I'm still looking at him like the banjo kid from Deliverance. He finally notices the test pattern look in my eyes and says, "Has no one explained this to you?"
Understatement of the year.
About Me
- Stacy
- Full time mother of three beautiful children. Big time cancer fighter with the help of my husband, family, and a plethora of fabulous friends.
summer vacation 2009
I have hair again! Also, we had a vacation!
Graduation Dinner/Dance
Dancing with my "High Schooler"! I have many reasons to dance.
Holy Redeemer School spirit & support!
The day before my surgery - all the kids at school could wear either pink shirts or pink ribbons in my honor. I was honored. I cried. Too cool.
Easter 2009
Only two weeks of radiation left! The kids have survived this process!
May 18, 2008
The good old days. . . two days before my diagnosis.
What are you gonna do?
My knight in shining armor.
Who throws a "Cancer Shower", honestly, how can you not love these women?!
Bald can be liberating!
My Little Red Riding Hood Extraordinaire!
The Family - 2008
Best Student award!
And for my next trick . . .
3 comments:
Way to go, Stacy.
Keep rapping out the entries.
Your positive outlook and sense of humor through all this is amazing.
I have wanted for several weeks now to write to you but I havent known where
to start. Having found Helen after all these years was a total shot in the dark
that paid off big time. I cannot wait to see her again and throw my arms around
her and hold on tightly. Helen is such a part of who I am and we used to share
everything and I miss her dearly.
She has of course told me what is going on with you and my heart is with you as
are my prayers. Breast Cancer took my mom from me and thus it has been hard
for me to face it and face you having it. But youi are the strong one and from
what Helen says I know that you are going to be a survivor. For a couple of
years now I have had a pink cell phone with a pink little dangly ceramic ribbon
on it and a few years back I actually got to work with Dr. Ernie Bodai who is a
major proponet in the fight agains Breast Cancer. He also developed the Breast
Cancer stamp that we see everywhere. And he is a darling man and so very
interested in his work and his patients.
Stacy, when I think of you all I can see is a skinny little girl all freckles and
front teeth and braids. And I can still hear your mom teling you to let Helen
and me alone because we were 'older'. And I can see how disappointed your
little face was. Of course if you had known what that sister of yours and I were
getting up to you wouldnt have wanted to be with us anyway!!! We were real
brats back then but we werent bad kids. Just brats. Now here you are all grown
up and sweet and sassy and with kids and a husband and everything and now
you are on your way to winning this battle as I know you will. There is no other
option.
It is important to me that you know just how much you are in my thoughts and
prayers. All of you are. I think of your parents as well. I remember the stuff
Helen and I thought we were pulling over them and I remember how shocked
the two of us were when we found out our parents were such friends. It just
made all our escapades the more fun! God who knew we would be 50 one day?
I thought we would be 18 forever. Say--do you remember the time Bill Smith
lived in Helen's closet for a few weeks? It is amazing your mom never found
him hiding in there but she pulled it off!! Helen had forgotten about that until I
reminded her of it not long ago. Helen was the first person I called when I was
in the hospital in labor too and she had forgotten that as well. I called her and
the school had been cancelled due to snow and she was still in bed and she was
going Joy I dont know what to tell you!!! I was screaming that I was in labor
and needed some booze or something because it was killing me!!! She and I had
a fight about a 17 magazine that lasted for weeks. I am not sure about the
particulars but I remember us having an argument about it in my bedroom and
we were whispering so my folks wouldnt know we were fighting. Thats what
happens when you both have parents who not only know each other but know
us too. We didnt have a whole lot of friends that our folks approved of other
than each other. We had tons of friends but our moms were not really happy
about most of them.....for obvious reasons I guess.
Stacy, get better fast and let me know how you are and what I can do for you. I
have tons of pink stuff that send proceeds to the Susan B Kohmen foundation.
I used buy things in honor of my mom. Now I do it in honor of you both. Be
well and be happy. My prayers and my heart are with you and your family
always.
Regards and all the best,
Joy
ps: Fucking Bob is one ugly sone of a bitch!
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