However you say it, my body seems to have become the physical manifestation of a Picaso. Not the early stuff - later on when they all had wanky eyes and disheveled parts. I used to admire those pieces of art, until I resembled them. My brain is having trouble catching up with and accepting all the physical changes. They came so fast - I hadn't realized my own vanity. A much bigger part of my personality was wrapped up in my physical image than I care to admit. I didn't think it was such a big deal to me, until the healthy, youthful body I had was rapidly transformed into a menopausal, middle-aged woman's body 10-15 years my senior. At the rate my ass is dropping, pretty soon I won't have to bend my knees to sit down. (I stole that joke, but I don't know from who!) My radiated side is shriveling up like a burger patty tossed into a microwave. I think they left me in too long. Apparently, I can expect that shriveling (capsular contraction) to continue for the next six months to a year. I have a vague impression that once I stop warping, it might be possible to fix it a little with more surgery. Something to look forward to. Oooooh, speaking of surgery, there's another one they want me to have. In fact, I should have scheduled it already, but frankly, I don't wanna'. I guess they figure, I'm not really using these girlee bits anymore, and it increases my chances of survival . . . so audios ovaries and uterus. Maybe it will balance me out. I had the upper bits removed, so to keep in balance, I need the lower bits removed. I am a Libra after all!
It's strange - when my husband and I got married, he was five years my senior. Now, it has flip-flopped, and I am ten years his senior. Amazingly, he still loves me - body image issues and all. It's hip to be a cougar, right? I'm going to hang on to that rationalization!
I know, waaaa waaaa waaa, move on already! I'm working on it! It just takes time. Time that, fortunately, due to all these treatments, I have a little more of. Besides, Pablo and I have a little more customizing to do before I'm finished!
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