I feel like a broken vase. They have glued me back together admirably. I retain my basic original shape with only a chip missing here or there. But, I'm not sure if I could actually hold water or flowers anymore. I miss holding the flowers. A big chip could pop out at anytime, and we would have to start the gluing process all over again. Why did I think I could simply get treated and get back to "normal"? There is no normal - I need to find a new normal.
Right now, I feel like I have no control in my life. It is dictated by appointments for treatment and all of the after effects from those treatments. The physical side effects are obvious and right out there. I can handle those, as annoying as they are, they are manageable. It's the emotional scars that are just beginning to surface, that, I'm not sure what to do with. You have to identify them before you can even deal with them. I don't have them all identified yet. And the emotional scars are not just mine. They spread out in ripples to those closest to me. As difficult as it is to identify my own issues, it's even harder to grasp what I've caused in those around me.
I'm not "cancer girl". I'm not the "cancer car". I'm not a "broken vase". I'm just a woman, with a life threatening illness, trying to find her way back.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
You shouldn't think that "you" have caused the issues in those around you. Yes, your cancer has had effects on others, but it's the cancer that is to blame, not you. Do you remember that book we both had for our kids about the frog that was stuffed with rice? And there was the one about the duck toy and the broken piggy bank. Those were good books, good messages.
Post a Comment