So this week I get nipples. Yeah! The doctor made it sound like an easy, no-brainer operation. One hour - outpatient - a little skin origami and wham-bam-thank-you-mam out the door kind of procedure. It probably is for him. Me? I don't do this kind of thing every day, so I had to ask the nurse, exactly how do they create nipples? She literally described it as being like origami. My brain immediately pictured little flying cranes on my chest. Off the test pattern look in my eyes, she reassured me that they look really good. I have found that "really good" is subjective terminology in the oncology world. My idea of "really good" could be quite different from their idea of "really good". Like when the plastic surgeon proudly displayed to me some pictures of his work and assured me that he could get those kinds of results for me too! I then spiraled into a three-day depression with the knowledge that my lovely, soft breasts were about to become Frankenboobs. I had to keep reminding myself that the alternative was not cool - and to keep my eye on the end goal. I choose life over bodacious ta ta's.
Having said all that, the nipple surgery is not so slam dunk as it originally sounded - but, I do not have Frankenboobs either. They turned out pretty darn good - and I can't resist playing show-and-tell with some of my girlfriends. (whether they like it or not!)
So - nipples, here I come! One more piece of the puzzle in putting me back together again. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, all the Kings horses and all the Kings men have been doing a fine job on me. Maybe Humpty was just an ass and they simply didn't want to put him back together again. I suppose it could be that horses don't have opposable thumbs, but then what excuse do all the Kings men have. Nope - Humpty Dumpty was an ass. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.
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2 comments:
As one of my friends says "When I lay down, my breasts lay down too". So on the bright side, that won't happen to you! I love reading your blogs! You are amazing!
Can't wait to see those boobies!!! How'd the renippling go? You should watch the Ricky Gervais special on HBO. He has quite the funny bit about Humpty Dumpty and All the Kings Horse and All the Kings men. For instance, is a hoof really the best thing for putting back together an egg? Here's hoping your surgeons have fingers and hands rather than hooves! Love you this much (you know, like those statues at Hallmark!).
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